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getting older

How To Know You're Getting Older

Everything hurts, and what doesn't hurt doesn't work.
The gleam in your eye is from the sun hitting your bifocals.
You feel like the morning after and you haven't been anywhere.
Your little black book contains names only ending in M.D.
Your children begin to look middle age.
You finally reach the top of the ladder and find it's leaning against the wrong wall.
Your mind makes contracts your body can't keep.
A dripping faucet causes and uncontrollable bladder urge.
You look forward to a dull evening.
Your favorite part of the newspaper is "20 Years Ago Today."
You turn out the lights for economic reasons rather than romantic ones.
You sit in the rocking chair and can't get it going.
You knees buckle and your belt won't.
You regret all those mistakes you made resisting tempations.
You're 17 around the neck, 42 around the waist, and 96 around the golf course.
Your back goes out more than you do.
Your pacemaker makes the garge door open when you see a pretty girl.
The little old grey haired lady you help across the street is your wife.
You sink your teeth into a steak and they stay there.
You have too much room in the house and not enough in the medicine cabinet.
You know all the answers but nobody asks the questions.

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