Goodby's to Our Loving Pets

• Scaredy Cat. .. you always lived up to your name. Cried when you were frightened of thunder, or loud noises and always hiding when anyone came to visit. You were one of three kittens that graced our lives when your mom "Peaches" showed up on our doorstep about to have a litter. Didn't she know we were always "dog people".... or did she just know we were "loving people". Well she bedded down in the garage and presented us with Smarty Pants, Scaredy Cat and Scooter Pie. I was used to having dogs in the house where you could watch them and keep them safe, but you Peaches had always lived outside and didn't want anything to do with being an inside cat. So, your little kitties stayed in the garage and were cuddled and loved by us and brought inside for "visits" when you'd allow. It was so hard to have beloved pets that strayed from sight and pets you had to wait for to come home again. You'd all find your own special "places" for cat naps and when you were hungry or needed a cuddle, home you'd come. Then one day, Smarty Pants never came home. The hurt was enormous. We put up signs, drove all over the neighborhood, but never found any sign of her. Then about 3 years later, our sweet "Peaches"... the little mom...got kidney failure and in a few short days was gone. So, we were left with two little kittens, now 7 years old. They were always in and out during the day and slept inside at night, but found warm lazy spots under the pine trees for mid-day naps. Well, this past week, Scaredy Cat strayed too far from home, crossed a busy road, and was hit by a car. We never, never knew that she ventured so far away from home. I was calling and calling her and she didn't come. So, I took a ride around the block and there she was lying on the road. The shock, the sorrow, the guilt is overwhelming at times. Did she hear me call, did she try to get back, did she in her hurry to get home again just run out, how many times had she crossed that road before. WE live on 20 acres of fields and woods, why did she have to go so far away from the house and cross a road. Now all I have left is my dear sweet boy, Scooter Pie. He's always been my special friend and I am so afraid to let him out of my sight. His life has been free to come and go, like his mom and littermates before him, so when I try to keep him in he sits by the door and cries and cries. I bring him in when it gets dark untilt he first light, but he loves to be out with the birds and chasing mice and flies...anything that moves. It is right for me to make him a "prisoner" at this time of his life to protect him from harm....or is it right to let him have his freedom and just pray to God that this doesn't happen to him too. I go and call him every hour and check up on him, but he's getting tired of "coming" to me only to be captured and put in the house. Oh, please, let this hurting and guilt stop. I have an inside cat too (which I will never, never, never let out loose who's only 1 year old) and an 8 year old Gordon Setter. I just love all my four legged friends, people tell me I love them too much, but I don't think that's possible. Eleanor Shiloh@sunlink.net.

• MY CAT BONITA -- Today started almost as any other. Except I noticed Bonita didn't sleep next to me. Nor did she run for the food dish. And I knew something was wrong. Upon further examination, I realized Bonita probably had a urinary tract infection. So I called the vet and a few hours later brought Bonita in. Bonita's world has always consisted of our home. So when she's outside her world she gets nervous, she hisses she tries to bite and it's so strange to see in a cat that was so loving and so incredibly affectionate. Anyway, the vet righty suggest he would sedate her and then make the exam. I trotted off to work knowing that Bonita would be feeling better once she got some medicine in her. So when the call came from the vet I didn't think about it much and then I understood. When I called him back he told me after the sedation, Bonita fell into a cardiac arrest and stopped breathing.` I"m so upset...she was brought in just for an exam and now she's gone and she was perfectly healthy. I miss you Bonita so much. Our home isn't the same. I miss how you don't come to the door patiently waiting, how you don't stammer and cry and demand my attention. Bonita, this was so unexpected and that's what hurts the most. Pretty Bonita, be good girl. Be good girl. I miss you so much, Bonita. scrane12@webtv.net (Steven Crane)

• NIKKI --12/25/92-04/10/00 Words can't express the pain we feel since you've left. Having to live life without you is something that we can't get use to. I miss everything about you. The walks, rides, little speaks and the numerous fluffys left all around the house. I know in my heart you lived a good life - but I wasn't ready to let you go so soon. It's not the same when we come home - When we walk through the door I stop to wait for the thump of you jumping off the bed. But I don't hear it. I hope and pray there is something more after death and I will see you again at the Rainbow Bridge. Until then continue chasing those kitties. Do me a favor and say hello to Ian, Thor, Bo, Spuds, Tiffany and Mitsy. Tell them all we miss and love them. Love mommy & daddy carosso@att.net

• Beloved Barclay -- Yesterday I lost my best friend. His name was Barclay and he was a three and a half year old Black Labrador. Barclay was a very special dog, not because he was blind but because he was the most trusting companion I could ever ask for. When I first met Barclay at the place where we got him I knew he was the one. There were three girls and him left in the litter when I got there and when they turned them loose for me Barclay ran right over and jumped in my lap. Oh those paws I thought, he's really going to be a big beautiful dog someday. He was definitely a handful at first, chewing up everything in sight and basically causing puppy mayhem.

  Our other dog Samantha, also a Black Lab and about ten years old at the time just looked at us like "what have you done?" When Barc was about six months old, we enrolled him obedience school and after a few weeks of working with him he really started to come around. I'll never forget how proud I was of him when he did the sit, stay and come command to perfection right there in front of this whole room full of energetic puppies waiting their turn.

  Right before Thanksgiving 1998 while I was throwing his ball in the backyard, I noticed that he would run right by it which seemed odd because he was quite the ball hog. He was acting like he couldn't see the ball and he was bumping into things. We realized then that Barclay had gone blind.

  After numerous doctors had looked at him and lot's of testing done it was determined that Barclay had a growth in his head which was pinching his optic nerve. The vet told us that he would probably never see again and that his life might be cut short due to this growth.

  >From that point on, my wife and I decided that we would give him the best life possible under the circumstances. Many people I know said that it might be better to euthanize him but that was never even a consideration. He seemed so healthy in every other way that I couldn't bear the thought of letting him go just because he couldn't see.

  Eventually Barclay grew into the big beautiful dog that I knew he would. He weighed about 120 pounds and he was in very good shape due to the daily 1 mile power walks that we did. He loved his walks and he trusted me to be his eyes whever we went. That was the time of day when he got to go out in public and sniff the world around him. When Barclay heard his chain rattle there was no stopping him, he was always ready to go!

  I guess the growth in his head finally got him. It started out just like any other Monday, rushing around getting ready for work, talking to the dogs, hearing my wife playing tug of war with Barclay (his favorite game). Then at about 12:30 the call came that he was having a seizure and after that it's all kind of a blur.

  Although we have been through this before and I know it takes time, it still hurts. This morning there is a HUGE hole in my heart. I miss you Barc. You taught me a lot about adversity and how to deal with it. It seemed like your tail was always wagging no matter what was going on around you. You were a good friend! C'mon Barc, let's go for a walk. Jim Simnjue2u@aol.com

• Goodbye Sylvester you were one in a million -- It has just been a few hours since I had the best cat in the world put to sleep. So I am sure if some of my words don't make sense or something is misspelled you'll understand. Over the last couple of years I have lost two Pekes and thought my heart would break. Not to say that I loved them any less but Syl has been the only cat for 8 yrs. He was marvelous with a housefull of dogs, so patient when they were tiny and he looked like a big cuddly friend. Never had an accident outside the litter box, had the most beautiful blue eyes ( yes he was part Siamese) trusted me his mommy beyond comprehension. I have had so much self doubt about what if I had done this or done that, but I guess thats sort of a lost point now. I never, never thought 3 weeks ago when I took him to the vet because he lost his appetitie it would end like this. I have cleaned up his belongings but he will always be here, and in my heart. It is hard to see to type so I will close with. Goodbye Sylvester you were one in a million, tell Muffy and Petey I love them and still miss them. Susan I. Dennis doglady6@worldnet.att.net

• It's always so hard to say goodbye --First came Shepie, the smartest all American you ever wanted to meet. He shared our lives for 17 years. Gracefully he closed his eyes and peacefully he went to sleep. There was Bosco and after him came my Patches ( my patchie girl) and she became a great babysit to her brother Sherlock. Who would believe dog and cat could get on so well. They were always together, sleeping on the same blanket, sharing the same bed with me their mommy after my husband and I divorced. The three of us together facing all that came our way. At 10 years Patches came down with a cold that just won't go away, so like Shepie before her, she peacefully closed her eyes and went into the eternal rest. Sherlock missed her so and at the young age of 8 diabetes enter our life but we fought it off for another 8 years. A new Dad enter our lives and again it was the three of us, but soon, all too soon, tumors set in and I was faced with one of the hardest decisions of my life but I had to let my boy go with his dignity intact. The tears , the questions, the doubts. No more I said, no more it's too hard. Into my life he came, a early Christmas surprise from my husband, into my life he came looking like a marshmellow. He was named Quincy. I didn't think I had it in me again, I was afraid to love and to lose again. I took one look at him though and it jusy happened. But this time it wasn''t meant to be for many seasons. Today I was again faced with that decision. But this time there was no warning, there was no preparing, it was like a theif in the night sneaking up on me. Mommy's boy just 4 tears old has joined his brothers and sister by the rainbow bridge. They watch over their baby brother and take care of him until mommy goes home to once again take care of them all. Take care of Quincy he is just a baby and he needs all your help. ReaG53@aol.com

• Alley -- This is a story about my dog Alley. About five years ago, my father's dog Tarzan had passed away from many complications, my parents spent over two thousand dollars to try to cure him, but his body finally failed on him. Tarzan touched many of our hearts, he was a big Rottweiler and had an even bigger heart. After Tarzan passed my father's heart was sore. My mother and I were working at a fast food resturant to make some pocket change, we were working the late shift doing clean up duty and I saw a dog outside. So, I called the dog over and brought her inside the shop. I called to my manager to see if we had any scaps for her and he yelled at me to put that dog outside. So, I did. My mom came out and wanted to see what was going on, because this dog was barking and passing around outside the glass windows to get back inside. I said Mom can we take her home she would make a great beach dog. My Mom said that she had a collar on (green) and she must belong to someone. She also had some cuts on her nose. After a while the dog finally went home.

  Two weeks later I went to the dog pound to find my father a dog for Christmas. The care taker asked if I wanted to see the male dogs or the females. I don't know why I chose the female side because Tarzan was a male. So I started to look at the dogs and I walked three cages down and there she was the dog from the resturant that I worked at. I turned to the care taker and said I know this dog. I looked at her again there she was the gold dog with the green collar and the cuts on her nose. I could not believe my eyes. I told him the story and he said lets go get you signed up. I went to the window to put a holding payment on her. The girl said that is $8.00 I only had $6.00 and she told me she was on death row. I went home and asked my Dad for $2.00 don't ask me any questions I will tell you what I am doing later. When I got home I told my parents what I did and they were not thrilled. I told my Mom who the dog was she could not believe it.

  The pound called and said that she had a slight breathing problem, do we still want her? How could I not want her, this was faith. How could I turn my back on faith. So, my Mom and I went to pick her up from the pound. The care taker said to be careful with her she tried to bite one of the care takers. I looked at him as if he was crazy. We found out too that they picked her up not too far from my house. It was as if she was trying to follow me home. When I took her home my Dad was so pleased. We named her Alley. She is the best dog anyone could ever ask for. She does not nead a leash to be walked, she goes to the barn with me and hangs out with my horses and me. She is so fun and amazing. She brought so much life back into our house, our lives, and expecially my father. She totally adores my Father, she follows him everywhere. She just is the best dog anyone could have ever asked for and it was faith that we all found each other. Let me tell you that was the best Christmas ever having added Alley to our Family. -- PhelanJandM@aol.com

• Good-Bye to Rambo -- Our dear friend Rambo passed away last night, Friday, November 19, 1999. There was this feeling I had in my heart and I couldn't really say it was pain, but when my husband put the first shovel full of dirt over Rambo's body, that hollow sound I heard was the same way my heart felt. He died suddenly after accidentally chewing through an old heartworm pill container.. I miss him so much! My heart is so heavy, it feels like I have 10 pounds of lead in my chest. It's so hard to write this without crying and missing him. He was a great dog and took care of our other dogs and chewed whiskers from our cat from time to time. You're in a better place know, but I still miss you Rambo! I wish I had thrown away that old bottle, you'd still be alive if I did. Oh I wish you were still here! Please forgive me... Someday I'll see you again - just wait for me. I love you and you'll always be in my heart. -- Wendy Arakawa wenkal@interpac.net

• Jade-- On Oct 14 my german shepard Jade turned 9 . The very next day he was put to sleep. His hips got very bad, he was walking into everything ..the hardest thing I had to do was say goodby to him, my loss is so terrible, I'm empty without him and I will never ever replace him. Jade, I miss you so much . the emptiness I feel for you will always be there you were my best friend and I will never go a day without thinking of you. TPULIZ@aol.com

• Kodi - Our family has suffered the loss of our 7 year old Rottweiler. He was so very special in our hearts. He became ill in June with a small cancerous growth on his hind leg. We had it removed and followed-up with radiation therapy for one month at Tufts. Kodi was doing fin up until the beginning of December when he was diagnosed with a food allergy. From that day on he started to deteriorate. He lost 25 pounds (he was 130 pounds of delicous fluff) and was not doing well. We hospitalized him on January 18 and had to put him to sleep on January 22. He was diagnosed with lymphoma. He is buried in a beautiful pet cemetary in Western New Jersey under a lilac tree. He was bright, responsive and full of love and life and only wanted to please. He was especially close to me. I would run home from work and take such pleasure in his greeting. No matter what had to be done it was never a burden for me but rather a labor of love. My home is quiet and lonely right now. Our fond memories of Kodi allowing us to share his brief time as a part of our family will remain forever. WE WILL MISS YOU!!!! -- Axis2Atlas@aol.com

• A page about pet loss -- http://www.findinfo.com/petloss.htm. Sent by - Joan Borgos - jborgos@ix.netcom.com

• Corky I lost my best friend of 18+ years on Saturday. Corky was the best terrier friend in the world. I feel a soul-searing loss and a hole in my heart that will never be filled. I miss her so much. She had liver failure and had developed seizures, could barely stand up alone, and was so thin her bones showed.. I nursed her carefully for several years, giving her only the prescribed food she was able to tolerate, but the day came when she started crying in pain, was unaware of her surroundings, and was so weak she couldn't stand at all. It was the hardest thing I ever had to do, to let her go, but I have to believe she is in a better place, and is waiting for me to join her someday. She is running free and healthy and feels good again and I pray she is happy and well. I miss her so much, it is so lonely without her but I know she is grateful to be relieved of her pain. I will have to deal with mine without her! She was a grand dog and a joyful spirit. I will always love you, dear Corkster. --Dvmrn@aol.com

• Loss of Your Loved One --I thought this might be something to go on. May God bless you all in your losses. You're in my thoughts and prayers.

  A Story For Pet Lovers
  Ann Landers, 1992
  I remember bringing you home. You were so small and cuddly with your tiny paws and soft fur. You bounced around the room with eyes flashing and ears flopping. Once in a while you'd let out a little yelp just to let me know this was your territory. Making a mess of the house and chewing on everything in sight became a passion and when I scolded you, you put your head down and looked at me with those innocent eyes as if to say "I'm sorry, but I'll do it again as soon as you're not watching." As you got older, you protected me by looking out the window and barking at everyone who walked by. When I had a tough day at work, you would be waiting for me with your tail wagging just to say "Welcome home, I missed you." You never had a bad day and I could always count on you to be there for me. When I sat down to read the paper and watch TV, you would hop on my lap and look for attention. You never asked for anything more than to have me pat your head so you could sleep with your head over my leg. As you got older, you moved more slowly. Then one day, old age took its toll, and you couldn't stand on those wobbly legs anymore. I knelt down and patted you lying there, trying to make you young again. You just looked up at me as if to say you were old and tired and that after all these years of not asking, you had to ask me to do one last favor. With tears in my eyes, I drove you one last time to the vet. One last time you were lying next to me.

  For some strange reason you were able to stand up in the animal hospital--perhaps it was your sense of pride. As the vet led you away, you stopped for an instant, turned your head and looked at me as if to say "Thank you for taking care of me."

  I thought, "No, thank you for taking care of me."

  Judy & Mattie(1 1/2 year old Pekingese baby) jhibb24046@aol.com

• Farewell to Duke --- In June, 1997 we lost our 13 year old Golden Retriever, Duke. He became very sick in the middle of the night, and my husband called our veterinarian who lived 2 hours away (we had recently moved from the city to our cottage), and he arranged to meet them. They put Duke on intravenous and took xrays and tests. The doctor suggested he should keep him for a couple of days so my husband left for home. Before Nels arrived home, the doctor called to say he had some bad news and that Duke had a heart attack and passed away. As all pet owners know, it is heart breaking to lose 'one of the family.' As you can imagine we cried our share of tears.

  Two weeks after Duke's death, I wrote a farewell article and sent it to our local paper, and they published it. As a result of the article, I received a call from a chap whose parents had sold their house and were moving back to Greece, and since he was moving to an apartment, it was impossible for him to keep his best friend 'Duke' who was almost three years old. His Duke was also a Golden Retriever. Nick was looking for a good home for his friend. Could we accept another dog so quickly? Especially the same breed and with the same name? Well, anyway we took Duke and soon came to love him.

  We were quite surprised that our new Duke did not really seem like a young dog and was content to just lay down most of the time like our older dog. About 3 weeks ago we noticed the skin on his legs was turning black, and his hair was starting to fall out. We took him to the vet (his fourth trip in as many months), and they did blood and skin tests. The results came back indicating he has hypothyroidism. He is presently on 4 pills a day, and will be on pills for the rest of his life although we do not, at this point, know whether it will still be 4 or whether that will be reduced next month. We would be interested in hearing from anyone who has experienced hypothyroidism in their dog and how long it took the medication to turn the coat and skin condition around. We have noticed a change in Duke inasmuch as he is much friskier than he used to be. Nels and Pat Allen. patallen@lindsaycomp.on.ca

• Hope -- I frequent pet loss web sites a lot. I saw yours this evening and was moved by your loss. I know exactly where you are having lost my 15 year old cat, 15 year old terrier and 7 year old chihuahua in less than 3 years. It has been 10 months since the last one passed and I am as saddened by the loss as the day it happened.

  Probably equally as bad as the loss, was the fact that no one could help me. Oh there are tons of books on grief and emotional rebuilding, but no one could tell me where my beloved pets were. Some shrugged, others jokingly said "Oh in pet heaven of course"...but no one knew. I took my grief, coupled it with my love for all animals and my 24 year knowledge of the Bible and I decided I was going to find out. It took a long time and a lot of research, but I have now self-published a book called "Cold Noses at the Pearly Gates". It is a serious work, 130 pages of insightful, thought-provoking and revolutionary conclusions.

  I have given out a lot of complimentary copies and recieved very generous reviews from many different sources. One lady so kindly called it a masterpiece and said it took her beyond the help that trained professionals could give her - it gave her hope and confidence - it healed her. Well, I don't know if I would call it a masterpiece. It certainly is a book on it's own - there are no others on the subject.

  I have offered it to many groups - one Dr. who has several going through therapy due to pet loss is using it, the San Francisco SPCA raved about it and is requesting more copies, and an animal rescue society in Utah is placing it in their gift shop. I am very happy that people are finding it helpful - that was my goal and I am elated at lifting the spiritsand hearts of those in pain.

  Why I write you? I note several million people frequenting the scores of web sites and newsgroups. I want to reach them too. If you could read the book, you would understand why - it takes people beyond healing and gives them hope. People need hope - and this hope is real and substantiated.

  Unfortunately, I have come to the point that I cannot continue to "give" books away. I have really run up the self-publishing bill, so at least for awhile, I have to get a little commercial. Nevertheless, I think your newsgroup would find this book to be the "help" they all seek. It has calmed my heart.

  Please visit one of my web sites at: http://www.lavamind.com/pet_sho5.html You will see a miniature picture of my three friends who are waiting for me on the other side. If I didn't believe that, I don't think I would want to go on. God bless - Gary Kurz GKURZ007@aol.com

• Dog Good-byes -- I would like to say a collective "Goodbye" to Fluffy, Prince, Puffin, Magnum, and Chippie....the most wonderful animals on Earth. Thank you all for being there when I was a child, to comfort me when things didn't go well. You taught me that animals are surely Gods gift to us, and have made my life much better for having been in it. I will certainly see you again someday. JAGFEST@aol.com

• Missy - A week has now passed and I will try to put in words how terribly lonely I am since you have gone. Missy, my 13 year old Wire Hair Terrior was with us since she was 9 months old. While my husband was living she was his dog first and mine when he wasn't around. After my husband passed away in January of 96 Missy became all mine. For a while she was sad and until the last day laid next to his chair, but we became inseperablle buddies and we relied on each other. She was ailing for a while but the time came I had to make that terrible decsion. I could not stand to see her suffer as much as I knew it would hurt me, so I did it. I have cried a lot and have hoped I did the right thing. I miss her so much and will always remember my buddy. Rlalbrecht@aol.com

• Dear Walter and Dotha -- Sandy - We too suffered the agony of the death of a beloved pet. "Sandy" was our dear little male Silky,long-haired Chihuahua who weighed only 5 ounces at six weeks, and tipped the scales at a mere 7 lbs. fully grown. We fed him cooked ground beef, with grated raw apple and carrot twice day, took him for walks in the morning and evening, held him on our laps for two to three hours every night while we watched T.V., when he would talk to us as we called him pet names. He loved his twice a month baths in our kitchen sink, where it took the two of us to do the job - one to bath him, and the other to hold on to him so he wouldn't drown, as he would be so relaxed he'd fall asleep,aand start to slip under the water.

  Then, at the age of seven years he went blind form a brain tumor, and went mad. The hardest decision we've had to make in our lives - he had to be put to sleep, as an operation would have cost $2000, and his chance of recovery, if he survived, were nil.

  This most difficult decision was made in June of 1994, and just last week we finally bought another dog - a 7 wk. old male Staffordshire, Bull Terrier. We've named him "Buster" . He already weighs 7 lbs. Occassionally, we forget and call him "Sandy", and although the pain of his demise has eased, we'll never forget him. We hope that your pain over the death of your beloved "Cocoa" will ease too. Sincerely, William and Marilynn Domroe E-mail wmdmro@iap.net.au

• I've lost my Shadow-- Since the morning of May 5th I've seen no Shadow. You were so smart, funny and silly. There was no stopping you when it came to making someone smile. You felt like my own, even though you belonged to another. I called you my little baby because you were my second child, and at 4 months of age you were more courageous than I. You carried me through what you knew was going to happen, and in the end I thank you for saying goodbye. Now, I need to say goodbye Shadow, my pure black baby I will never forget you. I loved you so much in life, that I could hardly stand the joy. I love you so much still, that I can hardly stand the pain. Shadow, you and I are bound by the heart. I'm glad I was there for you in the end, when no one else would be, and I'm sorry I didn't do more. I love you with all my heart and soul. This is what I hold on to Shadow, to remember our last night................
  I should not dare to leave my friend,
  Because - because if he should die,
  While I was gone, and I - too late,
  Should reach the heart that wanted me;

  If I should disappoint the eyes,
  That hunted, hunted so, to see,
  And could not bear to shut until,
  They "notice" me - they'd noticed me;

  If I should stab the patience's fate,
  So sure I'd come - so sure I'd come,
  It's listening, listening, went to sleep
  Telling my tardy name, -

  My heart would wish it broke before,
  Since breaking then, since breaking then,
  Were useless as the next mornings sun,
  Where midnight frosts have lain!

  by Emily Dickenson

  I miss you so much. Pradeep E-mail spanky@cwo.com

• Mandy - I miss my Sheperd/Husky, Mandy. Just this past Saturday my sister and I went out to spend the day together and my Mom had gone away with my Aunt for the day also. We left my dad home with the two dogs, Mandy and my husband and my Pomeranian, Torch. I told Dad that I would leave my car phone on just in case he needed anything. My Dad is older and I just wanted to make sure he could get a hold of us if he needed some- thing. Well, around 12:00 my sister and I were on our way to the shopping mall when my phone rang. It was my Dad telling me something real bad was wrong with Mandy. She's always been an outside dog. She would have never survived being inside like Torch is. Mandy loved the winters and the cold air. She would dig huge holes out back where we had her on her run. Then, she'd lay in them on those real hot summer days/nights.

  Well, on Saturday, is was miserable. It was raining all day and hard at times. My Dad has been keeping a close eye on Mandy for the past couple of weeks because we've noticed she had trouble getting up on her hind legs. It would take her a while, they'd be stiff, but she'd get up. She didn't jump up as much as she used to. Of course, she was older, 13/14 years old, but she's been hyper since she was a puppy. So, when Dad looked out at her for the third time around 12:00, he didn't see the chain to her run going into the dog house. So, he went out to check on her. He found her in her hole that she had dug and her eyes were half opened and she couldn't get up. My Dad had a hard time getting her up out of the hole by himself. He had to put her on a tarp and drag her to his work shed.

  My sister and I got home and I ran to Mandy. I got a blanket and covered her up and just sat with her. She was soaking wet and was all mud from the hole. We all just really thought that she had arthritis from being in the holes all of the time and being an outside dog. So, we rushed her to the nearest emergency vet right away.

  On the ride down, she was so good. She normally doesn't like to ride because she's afraid. But, she just laid there with the blanket around her and me sitting in the back holding her. I just kept telling her that everything would be alright and that we'd be there real soon and they'd make her legs feel all better. When we got there they did all sorts of tests and then they sent us away for about an hour for them to take x-rays. When we got back, the Vet's suspicions were real. I just couldn't believe it. She had shown us a needle full of blood that she had taken from Mandy's stomach. It was true, she did had a ruptured spleen and it was bleeding into her belly. The good news was that it hadn't spread to her liver, the vet said. However, she did test positive for heart worm. I just broke down in tears at that moment because I knew it was all over. She said that we could go ahead and put her through the surgery, but she probably wasn't strong enough to pull through because of her age and the heart worm. The only other choice was to put her to sleep.

  I cried uncontrollably for the next hour. My father, my sister and I went to the cage that she was in to say goodbye. I literally crawled into the cage with her and just helled her and cried. She knew what was going on. She just kept looking up at us with those big beautiful dark eyes as to say, "Please help me." That's all I see are her eyes and that she was wet and cold and muddy. I was wet and muddy myself when the whole thing was done. The vet said that we could stay while she gave her the injection, but I just could do it. I felt bad enough that we were doing this to her that I couldn't be present.

  My Dad is going today to get her to bring her home. We're going to bury her under her tree where she's been her whole life. I do have my other dog, but Mandy and I grew up together. I've been with her since she was a puppy when I was 13. She was my best friend and I'll never forget her for as long as I live. I don't think I'll ever get over her. I don't know how to.

  Well, I know this is long, but I wanted to share this with someone who may be able to help me to cope with this. This is the first pet that I've ever lost. Thank you. Cindy Kyea kyeac@rpi.edu

• Rainbow Bridge -- I copied this over a year ago and I think it is beautiful. It came from the SpokAnimal C.A.R.E. Newsletter:
  When an animal dies that has been especially close to someone here, that pet goes to Rainbow Bridge. There are meadows and hills for all our special friends so they can run and play together. There is plenty of food and water and sunshine, and our friends are warm and comfortable. All the animals that have been ill and old are restored to health and vigor, those who were hurt or maimed are made whole and stong again as we remember them in our dreams of days and times gone by.

  The animals are happy and content, except for one small thing: they miss someone very special to them, who had to be left behind. They all run and play together, but the day comes when one suddenly stops and looks into the distance. The bright eyes are intent; the eager body quivers. Suddenly he begins to break away from the group, flying over the green grass, his legs carrying him faster and faster. YOU have been spotted, and when you and you special friend finally meet, you cling together in joyuous reunion, never to be parted again. The happy kisses rain upon your face; and your hands again caress the beloved head, and you look once more into the trusting face of your pet, so long gone from your life, but never absent from your heart.

  Then, you cross the Rainbow Bridge together. -- Anon.

  Thanks to: Clifford M. Reuter, Jr., Tr. -- crsink@totcon.com

• In Remembrance of Poochie --On May 9th of this year I had to say goodbye to my furbaby boy of 18+ years. His health had been deteriorating since Nov/95 and he finally crossed over to the Rainbow Bridge.

  It's almost 6 months, Poo, and yet I still cry uncontrollably over loosing you. I know I did the right thing in letting you go. You had lost so much weight in that last month - I had no choice. The vet and I had tried everything.

  I had your friendship for 16 of your 18 years and that's a long time but still not long enough. You came into my life in September/80, a stray meowing at my door and answering to the name of Poochie. My daughter Jen thought you were the cat we had been feeding 2 years previously and maybe you were. When Jen left home some years later you grieved for a while but soon became attached to me - my third cat-child and the only boy.

  I know you were happy when I adopted a 4th cat (a stray tabby girlfriend for you) and her 3 babies in ‘82. You were like a real ‘papa' to that last kitten and loved playing with him. You went around the house looking for him for days after I have him away. You and Mother (the tabby) made such a happy pair - you loved each other so. You finally had someone whom you could groom to your heart's content - night and day. You were with her for 10 years before she died in ‘92. What a blow that was for you and me. And how you tried to snuggle up to Puffy but she would have none of it. She hissed at you for all of the 16 years you lived with her but that didn't stop you from trying to be close to her. You had a big heart and loving me wasn't enough. You wanted to love her too. I remember the many times when she was asleep and you would curl up close to her and sleep til she awoke some time later with a horrified hiss to find you had been sleeping next to her.

  You had such a tender heart. You could never bear to hear me cry and would come running and rub up to me when I did as if to say "mommy, don't cry. I love you." You were always "mommy's best, most handsome boy in the whole world."

  I tried, for your sake, not to show the awful grief I felt this past January when I had to let Puffy go to the Rainbow Bridge. I don't know how you felt about her passing. You had never really been accepted by her but it still must have been lonely, being the only cat. My guilt: You were my last baby and I clung to you - perhaps longer than I should have. You almost died last November. Was May too long to try to see if I could make you well?

  My memories: Your greeting me at the door. The walks we used to take in the park - you romping in the bushes but always coming when I called. Your tender heart at my many griefs through life.

  I miss you Poo. Thank you for coming to me recently in a dream to show me that you are now healthy and OK. Mommy will never forget you. Rosemary Currie - email: rcurrie@sprint.ca

• Our Dear Jake! -- We found you over 6 years ago wandering the streets just after we had to have our beloved Hamm put down to cancer. Your eyes were glazed and we were very fearful of everyone. It took us over 3 years of gentleness and kindness to gain your confidence. You never tried to bite us or anything like that but it really hurt us when you decided to leave this earth during the night and we didn't get to say goodbye. Marilyn Simpson marilyns@worldaccess.com

• Our Ole is gone -- Charlie Schultz On Friday, March 16,1995 we had to have our 8 year old English Bulldog euthanized. On Thursday nite he began to have trouble walking on his hind legs and by Friday morning he was unable to walk. We took him to the Veterinary College Clinic and was diagnosed by ultra sound as having a grapefruit sized tumor on his spleen. Surgically it would be possible to remove the tumor and spleen. Providing he survived the anasthesia and surgery, it may have given a little longer life span. Also, it was not known whether there was any mestasis of the tumor or whether or not it was benign or cancerous. He had severe allergy problems and a lifelong chronic skin bacterial problem which would not respond to well to antibiotics and would continue to recure. We spared neither time nor money to keep him happy and comfortable during the time we had him. We felt he had suffered enough and we were with him at the end. We scratched his tail, talked to him and he liked our hands. When the injection was made he closed his eyes and laid his head down as if going to sleep. It looked like it was completely painless and he did not suffer. We buried him that evening in a little coffin with a blanket on the bottom that the Veterinary School gave us. We put his favorite toy inside with him. We miss him terribly and at times we feel we will never be the same. He was our constant companion and seemed like a member of our family. He was such a joy to us that in reality we feel it was really a gift for us to have him. We are happy that he no longer suffers but Oh God, how much it hurts. -- Thanks for sharing -- our sympathies to the Schultz's.

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