Newt
Newt Gingrich went after Jim Wright,
And poor Jim's career it took flight.
Then Newt crossed the line
And paid a big fine;
Which proves that Newt wasn't too bright

Halloween
The goblins appear on this night,
Intending to give us a fright.
On the door they will beat,
And they'll yell trick or treat.
Then quickly depart from our sight.

Term Limits
Our Leaders, they really have nerve.
They bob, they weave, and they swerve.
But, come the election,
They ooze with affection;
Let's limit how long they can serve!

Monica & Bill
Monica Lewinsky and Bill.
Had sexual encounters until,
Along came Ken Starr
Who searched near and far,
Then made his report to the Hill.

Marcos
They say Marcos rigged the election,
To guard against voter rejection.
But Aquino and crew
Knew just what to do;
Left exile his only selection.

Election
Remember Mondale and Ferraro?
"We're going win on the `morrow!"
But Reagan you'll note,
Captured the vote;
For Mondale/Ferraro, just sorrow.

NAFTA
Bill Clinton, he really pushed `NAFTA,
He pleaded, "We `hafta! We `hafta!"
But, H. Ross Perot,
Kept saying, "No, no!"
Insisting it will mean the `shafta.

Nixon
Dick Nixon was shrewd by design.
At detente he really did shine.
Then came Watergate
And it was too late;
Poor Richard was forced to resign

Colonel North
Colonel North was a clever Marine.
He was Reagan's point man on the scene.
He peddled the guns,
Diverted the funds,
But came through the ordeal quite clean

Ms Hall
Colonel North's secretary, Fawn Hall,
Was a `Looker with lots on the ball.
She shredded those papers,
And pulled other capers;
And some things she could not recall.

Politician
There once was a shrewd politician,
Who understood voter suspicion.
So he conned the locals,
The wise and the yokels,
And achieved his burning ambition.

Preacher
They come on TV and they plead.
"Send money for things that we need."
They claim there's no fraud,
That they're working for God;
Then beg for our help to succeed.

Bush
We all heard the rhetoric and quips.
About taxes and `reading my lips.
But then when elected,
The pledge was rejected,
By George, the `master of flips.

Santa Claus
Old Santa lives at the North Pole,
And gifting young children's his goal.
So if you believe,
Come late Christmas eve,
You may catch him playing this role.

Shakespeare
Will Shakespeare wrote many great plays;
Had a knack for `turning a phrase.
But, some are in doubt
And bandy about,
That Marlowe deserves all the praise.

Smoker
Some say a bad habit you broke.
Deciding no longer to smoke.
By the sound of your cough,
You'll be soon taking off;
A polite way of saying, `you'll croak!

Swaggart
Swaggart went out of his way.
Insisting we all kneel and pray.
Though he was reborn,
He got hooked on `porn.
Poor Jimmy, he had feet of clay.

Taxes
Everyone's after our tax.
And all of them try for the `max.
We stand by in vain
As it `goes down the drain;
Get to work! No time to relax.

Old Tom
Old Tom, unaware of his fate,
Continued to eat and gain weight.
Came Thanksgiving Day,
They took him away;
And Old Tom wound up on a plate!

Mike
Mike Tyson loved fame and fast cars,
And made his opponents see `stars.
But young Desari,
Put Big Mike away,
For three years behind prison bars.

Vietnam
Every Harry, Richard, and Tom,
Believed we could win there, in `Nam.
But that bloody damn War,
Kept sucking in more;
As fodder for bullet and bomb.

Volcano
St. Helens turned tree into sliver.
Regardless we have to forgive `her.
For it was Mother Nature,
Not the State Legislature,
That forced them to clean up the river.

Flag
The soldier salutes it with pride,
In memory of comrades who died.
Any `crazies that yearn
This emblem to burn,
Had better find someplace to hide.

Franklin
A fella, Ben Franklin, by name.
At trying new things he was game.
One dark stormy night,
Tied a key to a kite;
Proved lightning and `lectric the same.

Gamble
I remember one time down in Reno,
I wandered into a casino.
Just like other saps,
Lost money on Craps,
And finally went broke playing Keno.

GATT
To sign on for GATT's a mistake,
For We always give and They take.
It's right on the border,
Of touting `world order;
It's not a mistake, it's a wake.

Hart
Gary Hart, a bright future did paint.
But there was one major complaint.
He met with Miss Rice,
And he paid the price,
Cause he just wouldn't practice restraint.

Shame
Our treatment of the Indian was bad.
We left him `unfed and `unclad.
We stole all his land,
And made him disband;
In a word, the `red man was had.

Bobbit
Lorena, that devious `meany,
Suspected her man had a `queenie.
In a moment of strife,
She picked up a knife,
And cut off poor Johnny's `weenie.

Tyson
The booing he started to hear,
Made Mike Tyson tremble with fear.
Afraid he would lose;
Decided to bruise,
Evander by chewing his ear.

Arms Race
Ending this crazy arms race,
Is something we all have to face.
We need no more bombs,
Koreas or `Nams;
Destroy instead of replace.

Bork
When Reagan named Bork to the Court.
The Left wanted none of the sort.
So they brought in allies,
Spreading rumors and lies;
And pushed `til they had an abort.

Media
On late night they're still cloning Carson.
On Sunday there's some greedy parson.
And spaced in between
It's the juvenile scene;
How I long for the days of Greer Garrison.

Chrysler
We all heard of Chrysler's new styles,
From Lee's ballyhoo, and time trials
But what we don't know,
Is how far did they go,
Before they recorded the miles?

Congress
We send them to Congress with cheers,
Then hope our pet project appears.
But you can't please them all
In that `great learned hall.
So we'll try once again in two years

Dole
Bill Clinton is back in control,
By winning the vote over Dole.
The Left, they are glad;
The Right, they are sad,
That poor Bob wound up in the hole.

Dope
My plan for the sellers of dope,
Is not to cry, "How can we cope?"
It's to roundup the bums,
And beat on their gums;
Then swing'em, at the end of a rope

Friend Brutus on that fatal day,
An ambush for Caesar, did lay.
Though warned in advance,
He still took a chance;
His last words were "Et Tu Brute?"

When Castro first came to power,
He was hailed as Man of the Hour.
But despite what was said,
He turned out to be `Red,
And relations with `Uncle, turned sour.

When Christopher Columbus left Spain.
Many thought he was insane.
But he laid that to rest,
When he sailed to the West,
And discovered the old Spanish Main.

The colonel was noted for luster.
His tactics; heroics and bluster.
Then old Sitting Bull,
An ambush did pull;
And that was the end of poor Custer.

Along comes another new diet.
And of course I just have to try it.
So I part with my dough,
But the pounds never go;
"Oh waiter, more chicken --and fry it!"