I've discovered a conspiracy
against some senior folk.
Some of you may laugh at this,
and think that it's a joke.

It's real, I say, it's not a myth.
Beware, I kid you not
As you start to get up in years
you'll find this evil plot.

It's a fact, it's not untrue,
and many of you know it.
I've probed the subject very well,
and have the facts that show it.

The obvious conspiracy,
and most sinister, I fear,
is most of you are speaking soft,
to make it hard to hear.

The media is involved, too,
as this little tale gets taller.
They're printing books and newspapers
with type, two sizes smaller.

They've put some kind of additive
in the water and the food.
No...! I don't know what it's called...!
It sometimes makes you rude.

They also play a prank on you.
I wish they'd stop it, please.
They sneak behind your back and hide
your eyeglasses or keys.

Even merchants are involved
as far as I can figure.
They've changed labels on clothes that fit
to a number, one size bigger.

And, what about that flight of stairs
you used to climb with ease.
They keep adding steps to it.
They're doing it to tease.

I'm sure that there are other plots,
I've only touched a few.
I know I'll find another one,
before this day is through.

A word to the conspirators:
You'll be replaced by someone new.
In years to come, they'll learn your tricks,
and conspire against you.

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