For years and years they told me,
Be careful of your breasts.
Don't ever squeeze or bruise them,
and give them monthly tests.

So I heeded all their warnings,
and protected them by law...
Guarded them very carefully,
and always wore a bra.

After 30 years of careful care,
The doctor found a lump.
He ordered up a mammogram,
to look inside that clump.

Stand up very close, she said
as she got my t*t in line.
And tell me when it hurts, she said
Ah yes, there, that's just fine!

She stepped upon a pedal...
I could not believe my eyes!
A plastic plate was pressing down...
My boob was in a vice!

My skin was stretched-n-stretched
From way up by my chin,
And my poor t*t was being squashed
to Swedish pancake thin!

Excruciating pain I felt.
Within it's vice-like grip.
A prisoner in this vicious thing,
My poor defenseless t*t!

Take a deep breath, she said to me.
Who does she think she's kidding?
My chest is smashed in her machine,
I can't breathe, woozy I'm getting!

There, that was good, I heard her say
As the room was slowly swaying.
Now let's get the other one
Lord, have mercy, I was praying!

It squeezed me from the up and down.
It squeezed me from both sides.
I'll bet she's never had this done
to her tender little hide!

If I had no problem when I came in,
I surely have one now....
If there had been a cyst in there,
it would have popped, ker-pow!

This machine was made by man,
Of this I have no doubt..
. I'd like to get his b_ll's in there,
For months he'd go without!

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