Listen, all you webbers
For I have a tale to tell.
How buying a computer
Has saved a guy from hell.

Old Charlie was a rounder.
He lived a life of sin.
He’d start each night with women
And finish it with gin.

Charlie gave up drinking.
He even gave up sex.
After he received delivery
Of a Four Eighty Six D-X.

He took a dose of DOS
And beginning Windows course.
Soon was making jokes like:
Get your prompt before the horse.

And then he was presented with
A modem made by Hayes.
So he began his news group nights
And enjoyed his e-mail days.

E-mail soon became his life,
He had friends everywhere.
He was an e-mail junkie and
Should have stayed right there.

But messed around with mailing lists,
Then had a gopher spree.
Met Archie and Veronica
And got high on FTP.

He dreamed about the World Wide Web,
Could live with nothing less.
So he ordered out a service
That would give him Web access.

He opened up the package,
Thought, "Now I have it all."
Placed the disk in "A" drive
And entered the "Install."

Then the darkness hit him
And the smoke spread everywhere.
When it cleared, the lights back on,
Old Charlie wasn’t there.

Charlie’s chair is empty,
His coffee has turned cold.
His ever present twinkie
Is lined with chartreuse mold.

Old Charlie’s out there somewhere
With a smile upon his face.
He’s either gone to heaven
Or he’s locked in cyberspace.

No matter where he’s gone,
He’s thinkin’ things are grand.
‘Cause he left our dimension
With a mouse in his right hand.

Wait, I hear a stirring
And a clear celestial chime.
I think our friend has made it,
So we can end this rhyme.

We now have proof he’s up there,
Computer saved from hell.
charlie@ive.goneto.hea’s
Coming through on A-O-L.

And if we listen closely
We can hear an angel’s breath.
He sent her to assure us
There is e-mail after death.

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