The grandeur that was Greece no doubt was great;
I question not the glory that was Rome;
But nowadays I mainly concentrate
On all the wondrous doings here at home.

Let those who wish invoke "the good old days,"
Let others sing of once romantic times;
I find it more amusing to appraise
Contemporary antics in my rhymes.

I daily marvel at philosophies
Far wilder than the Greeks dared contemplate,
Bizarre presumptions, improprieties
The vilest Roman would repudiate.
Misdeeds today would leave a Greek aghast;
Not vast, not small, they're simply just half-vast!

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