Sex and Senior Citizens

Bulletins on Sex
and senior citizens

Here we will post news & other bulletins regarding SEX and senior citizens. If you wish to send information appropriate for senior citizens please send us an e-mail.

Senior Sex -- I noticed that more men over 70 are willing to admit that they are still involved in active sexual activity or wish they were if only their partners would cooperate. Well, let me just say, "what's up with you ladies out there?" Being a healthy 71 who looks 50, had a hysterectomy at age 35, I find that sex is better than ever. My significant other is 8 years older and we both enjoy lovemaking. What's not to like? I don't like the word having "sex," love making is a much more appropriate description. If you guys out there are just having sex with your ladies for your own pleasures and not making love to her for mutual pleasure, no wonder she is not interested. Get a grip you fellows, and let her know you care. Maybe then she will come alive so to speak. Just sign me Sis. Please no e-mail address please.

I am a female, that is almost sixty years of age, and I still grieve sex. I enjoy oral sex, mutual or just having my partner lip-serving me. He is a year and a half younger than I. But he seems to have locked down where sex is concerned, always loved to give me a good sucking orally, before we started intercourse, and then he would stop and perform oral sex on me again. Now that he is fifty-eight years of age, he seems to have gone into withdrawal. I have always masturbated, but there is a time when masturbation does not satisfy like the real thing. Sometimes he will start masturbating me, and tell me how he is going to eat me, and I get all worked up; and then he will start talking about his job, or some other subject that is out of context. Men go through the change of life, and I think that it affects them more than it affect women. He's always telling me about younger men that he work with complain about their wives not wanting to have sex. I always tell him that he certainly cann't complain about me not wanting sex. To be truthful we could have it every day of the week, and I wouldn't complain, I cann't get him stimulated, even if I suck his penis, and I definately love to suck him the same as I love for him to suck me. Do not use my email address, just sign me as Ladylove.

Please do not use my name. I am a male, 73 who is married to a completely sexully indifferent woman. We have not had sex or even slept in the same bedroom for years. As I reached my late 60s I noticed that more and more, the sight of naked men in the club locker room excited me and I started visiting gay porno web sites and masturbating while looking at video clips of gay sexual activity that I have downloaded from the net. I find it very exciting and fantacize about performing oral sex on men. I have always been orally oriented with women and now that affinity has broadened to include men. My question: is this a common occurance? Would like to hear from other men my age. You can Email me at cod72@brandons.net.

Too Much of Anything Gets Boring -- If I ever had a problem with masturbation, I sure don't now, reading what others have to say. I am a little curious that most of the writers are male. Does all this stuff scare off our senior sisters? Sex is OK but I do find that too much of anything gets boring. I liked to hear some comments. Art Tennismusic at sexaftersixty.com

Masturbation-does spouse know? -- I am a male in the 60's and continue to masturbate because my sex drive is stronger than my wifes. Also, being in the 60's, I am uncut and enjoy the foreskin friction on the head. I would like to hear from both males and females as to whether there spouse knows they masturbate. Do you tell them when you are going to do it ? Or do you do it without there knowledge. Also, would like to know whether the spouse dislikes the fact that you masturbate. My wife seems to have come to the conclusion that it is alright, but I don't know whether I should let her know when I masturbate. --RJC

I notice so many men like me who need to masturbate because their wife is no longer interested in sex. I am 63 and my wife is 60, she has never had the desire I have, and her desire has become less with age, while my desire has not gone down. I have masturbated since 10 or 11, frequently up to 15 times per month. I hid it up to about 10 years ago, then told her. Now I tell her when I am going to do it some of the times, but most of the time I hide it. I would like to know what others do. Does your wife know when you masturbate, or do you hide it from her. My wife claims she has never masturbated herself. I would appreciate respones. Please do no show my E-Mail address.

I am just entering the area inwhich one is recognized as being a senoir citizen. I am 56. While I continue to have a need and desire for sexual relations, my wife, who has always had a low sex ,announced a number of years ago that she is too old to continue to have sex. In her twenties she thought sex twice weekly was excessive while I thought 4-5x was appropiate. I was assured by her mother that my wife would reach her peak in a few years and would want sex as often as I. Time passes and rather then wanting more, it became less and less. By her mid 30's she was "satisfied" with love making every other week. Then came menophose (sp?) in her early 40's. By her mid 40's, she announced that she had no desire and too old for sex. As for me, I have not been fortunate like some writers in finding someone to provide a release. If you find the above appropiate, feel free to post it, but please do not show my name or e-mail. Thank you

I enjoyed reading comments on the bulletin board since I have the same feelings and experiences discussed by others. My wife and I enjoyed sex when we were younger and I still have the desire for sex whereas my wife has lost the zeal. There is nothing I can do that I know of to enhance her desire. I find myself masturbating at least 5 times per week and experienced what I have read about diminished ejaculate but the sensation is still there. Sex is a powerful force and I feel that if the desire is there, satisfy that desire but with a degree of discretion if ones partner is not responsive to your needs. That is an advantage of cyberspace where one can indulge in sexual fantasies by having a pseudo partner as I have done many times with a woman desiring the same experience. In essence, one can describe it as a lovers connection for the purpose of arousal without exposing each other if they so desire. It seems to me that if a site could be set up within these web pages so that cyber meeting could be established, it would be beneficial for those desiring these experiences. At present, you go to senior chat rooms, hope to engage some partner, evolve a conversation that hopefully will achieve your objective, and if not, start all over again. Having a specific chat room whereby the objective is known in advance and the evolution of the conversation directs a couple to a compatible agreement, I think this would be beneficial. That is my opinion---what is yours. I DON'T WANT MY NAME PUBLISHED--

I want to add my experience to those you have reported. Please do not show my name or E-Mail address. At age 61 my wife became very irritable about sex and became distant after a very vigorus and sex life, I believe it was related to a dryness and she refused to use any kind of lubrication. For five years I used masturbation regularly as my means of dealing with the need for sexual release. One day, quite by accident, the subject came up with my sister-in-law who had been widowed for several years. On my next visit, to my total surprise, she unzipped my pants and gave me a blow job, something I had never experienced before. Then she asked me to take her to bed. We had a wonderful time and have seen each other once a month since. In between visits, she's several miles away, we talk on the phone and both have an orgasm while visiting. She now regularly masturbates and so do I. We are both now 72 years old and it gets better on every visit, whether personally or on the phone.

74 yr old masturbator -- I have been masturbating sinse age ten, (often three times a day) and while I have experienced many adverse feelings which might be akin to guilt,I never thought I was doing anything wrong, although I winced at the negative reaction of so many others regarding the practice.
I have wanted to join a Pee Wee Herman support and discussion group, but have never found one. Now that I'm old enough to be gratefull that I'm still able to get off that way it is good to find a place where I can admit my 'weakness". Please withhold by name and e-mail. Use Carl Croel

Topic: A dramatic self-discovery in the never-ending fight against BPH (Enlarged Prostate). Learn how I stopped taking medication and improved my quality of life dramatically the natural way. A must site for BPH sufferers. www.jparisi.com/bph -- E-mail josephp622@aol.com -- Joe Parisi

We are in our 80's and still sexually active. However due to physical conditions my spouse can't enjoy vaginal sex. So we for some years have learned that masturbation, either by my hand or hers, satisfies us. We either alternately masturbate each other or masturbate looking at the other spouse and watching their reactions. It was more difficult for us to initiate oral sex. But with some practice this has been a good method for us. I enjoy it more than she does. However, we have now learned to be effective with these practices. We would encourage others who have difficulties to be open minded and try these practices. Use it or lose it is our motto.

CALL FOR SUBMISSIONS -Still Doing It: Women and Men over Sixty Write about their Sexuality
Are you having a great time? If you are a woman or man over sixty years of age, I invite you to contribute your writing to STILL DOING IT, a book to be published by the Down There Press. Many people are surprised to learn that older women and men have sex at all. Sure there are some inhibitors to having active sex lives as we get older, but a lot of us overcome these obstacles or never have encountered them. This year, my sixty-first, I want to let those coming after us (men and women in their thirties, forties and fifties) know that sex can get better as we age, or that it's never too late to start a happy sex life, reversing the downward spiral of doing a little (or a lot) less each year. At this time I am particularly interested in contributions from women. Contributions from couples writing individual perspectives on their relationship are welcome as long as both partners are over 60.
Please write on any aspect of your current experience that interests you. You may have one partner, or several; you may be gay, straight, or bisexual; you may have been in a committed relationship for decades or may have met someone new just recently. You need not even be having sex with a partner at all - I am interested in your masturbation and fantasy sex life as well.
If you need help getting started, you might simply describe your current sexual activity: with whom you do it, how often, where, and which are your preferred sexual activities. Then please describe any of the following that apply to you: how you have started again after a "dry spell," overcome physical limitations, dealt with family reactions to your sexuality, or challenged expectations about or prohibitions against older people being sexual. To what do you attribute your healthy interest in sex? You might also choose to write about how you cope with stereotypes, boredom or routine, if any of these have bothered you.
Just tell me how you're still doing it! If you have never written a story or essay, don't worry. -I am interested in your experience, not your writing skills. If you wish to remain anonymous, you may use a pen name. If your story is story is selected, you will receive a few copies of the book and a small payment. Stories will not be returned to you unless you enclose a SASE.Deadline: ASAP! Book is almost ready go to the publisher, mid-February, 1999.
Please send your contributions, up to fifteen pages, to: Joani Blank, PO Box 8263, Emeryville, CA 94662 Or submit your piece by email to jeblank@ic.org
Joani Blank, MA, MPH, is the founder of Good Vibrations and Down There Press in San Francisco; She has been writing, editing and publishing books about sex for 22 years. She turned sixty on the Fourth of July, 1997.

Masturbation --- My wife and I are in our mid-sixties. We continue to enjoy oral and masturbation. I just do not get it hard enough to put it in. We masturbate each other and when feel ready to go, we do 69. We are not ashamed of it at all. Any constructive comments are welcome at (dickkee@hotmail.com). Thanks. Dick --- "hew"

Participants Needed for Lifespan Sexuality Study
Hi, My name is Kelly Kinnish and I am a graduate student at the University of Utah. My advisor and I (Prof. Don Strassberg) are conducting a questionnaire study attempting to gather some basic information on sexuality across the lifespan (e.g.behavior, relationships, orientation). Our target sample is men and women age 35 and above of all sexual orientations, however we are having trouble accessing participants over the age of 50 (especial women in this age range). I am writing to you to ask if it would be possible/appropriate to post an announcement about the study to the Seniors-site Bulletin Board in an effort to reach potential participants in this difficult group. We have set up a web-page so that interested participants with internet access can conveniently complete the questionnaire on-line, others can request to receive it by mail.
Below is an example of a brief announcement that has appeared in print ads and other internet sites (I have also posted somewhat more lengthy announcements which have included the above information as well):
Participants Needed for Lifespan Sexuality Study
Researchers at the University of Utah are seeking men and women age 35 and above (and especially those 50 and older!) of all sexual orientations to participate in an anonymous survey of human sexuality. Included in the survey are demographic questions and questions about sexual behavior, romantic relationships, and sexual orientation across the lifespan. The questionnaire should take approximately 10-40 minutes to complete, depending upon a person’s age and sexual history. Interested individuals can complete the questionnaire online at --http://www.softsolutions.com/survey[*Hyperlinked*], or call (801)474-0892 to receive the survey by mail. Again, participation is completely anonymous. Thanks for your help!

Sex is Energy -- Our sexuality is related to the flow of energy, the life force within us. It can't be seperated from what's happening energetically in the relationship. It's intimatly connected with how we're dealing with our rmotions and how clear we are feeling. The more we've experienced and expressed our feelings, the clearer our channels are and the more freely and pleasurably the sexual energy can flow. -- Shakti Gawain: Awakenings.

Mastrurbation for Seniors -- I am 67 years old and still have very strong sexual desires. My wife has been unable to have sex. I had a lady friend who would accomidate me but she passed away. So I started masturbating and do it at least every other day. I ejaculate very little but all the pleasure is there. I encourage men my age or older to go at it it does wonders for you. J-S.D.
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New Impotence Drug Could Help - The drug, Viagra, tested on British university students was supposed to raise blood flow to the heart. The rush of blood filled a more southerly organ instead. Existing impotence drugs must be either injected into the penis or inserted directly into the urinary tract, both unpopular delivery methods. Viagra, by contrast, is ingested in the form of a pill, and appears to have only minor side-effects.
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Unlike the injections, which can leave the user erect for an hour without outside stimulation, Viagra allows the user to react normally to sexual stimulation. Shay, who used to take performance-boosting injections, said Viagar allows him to function about 85 percent as well as he did when he was younger -- about as well as the shots. Pfizer estimates the number of men coping with impotence worldwide at 140 million with an estimated 30 million in the US – more than one in eight - have potency problems. The problem gets worse as men age. Two men in five have problems getting an erection at age 40. Nearly seven in 10 do at age 70.

My husband is afflicted by Kaiser Permanente - he has had a heart attack, and they are only treating the heart, not the host. I complained, and he complained to them about the resultant low libedo after taking Mevacore, a high cholesterol drug. They claimed they had never experienced any other complaints, then his doctor switched him to another, which almost put him in the grave. I tried to print your information on SEXUAL DYSFUNCTION, but the blue titles do not print out, any additional help you can provide will be appreciated. A.O.
Response from Webmaster: Many who have had a heart attack suffer with the fear of doing something that stresses the body -- like having sex. Some doctors are aware of this and advise patients to go home and have sex. When the doctor says that Mevacore doesn't cause a low libedo -- he may be right. But he should have advised of the mental conserns it can cause a heart attack victim where they are afraid to engage in intercourse. And some can become sexually dysfucntional just because of the mental state.
I suggest you obtain a product called "Natural Sex" that is a natural aphrodisiac. It sells for $29.95 per bottle for a 30-60 day supply plus $4.50 s/h. I have elected to offer this to seniors so for further information click HERE and how to order. It's good for men and women. You should experiment. It could help your husband get over the mental concerns. If not you should find a doctor that is fully aware that exercise (including sex) is good for the person after having a heart attack according to what I have heard. If anyone buys and trys Natural Sex, I would like to hear of the results. I don't want to be offering something that doesn't work.

Having Sex -- I'm 80 years old, now widowed and am still horny at times. Since I had a prostate removed I can still get a partial erection and can masterbate although my sperm ejaculates, it remains inside me. I was introduced to a masseur who will give me an erotic massage and will allow me to do oral sex on him . What I find pleasurable is just the fact of that I can see and hold a live erection which I can no longer have and I even get a kick out the oral part of it. I'm writing this to see if there are any other guys out there who experience this. bertee@webtv.net
RESPONSE: - H. your condition is called "retro-ejaculation". Than is when the ejaculated goes into the bladder instead of being ejaculated out the penis. It is much more common that most folks think and it is NOT harmful in any way. Your moving into a homoerotic experience is interesting. How was this accomplished. Did you start it or did your massuse? I am glad you are so open about this and that you must also be comfortable with it. I am sure others reading this with the same problem you have must feel better about it. robbenz@intrepid.net

How About A Survey? -- I am a 70 year old male, married to a 73 year old lady who is afflicted with Alzheimer's, obviously, we do not have sex nor have had for some years. I masturbate as a substitute 3 to 4 times a week. I has occurred to me that it might be reassuring to many senior citizens if there was a way for them to know they are not alone in this practice, I feel this is a subject that should be brought out of the closet. I got the idea from a female cousin of mine who is older than I am, has been single for over 20 years now, she is quite open about this subject and also uses masturbation as a form of gratification. She knows of a woman who also is active but has a problem of guilt afterwords, it was this that lead me to write the letter, I feel if others knew they were not alone, they would be able to enjoy what ever years they have left in this world. The only way I know of this could be done would be for you to post a survey on this sight, asking some questions, such as age, sex, frequency, and perhaps other questions such as what type of stimulation do they use such as reading, pictures, memories etc. This is just an idea, but I know there is a lot of guilt about this practice, which is a shame, it might help people relieve themselves about this practice to find out they are not alone. Thanks to B.S.
Webmaster response: Sounds like a good idea. If you wish to send in thoughts on this please do. If you don't wish your name or e-mail address posted please say so and everything will be kept strictly confidential.

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